Bloody Tourists!

Now that I'm an established resident of the Noosa region (been here a whole four months), I can say that.

It's peak tourist time right now obviously so I'm going to join my fellow Noosarians (is that a word?) and have a good old gripe. You see, they're bloody everywhere at the moment. The tourists I mean. Not the gripes. Although that's probably correct as well. You certainly get that vibe from my fellow locals. Being one of them of course.

Yeah, I've done the hard yards as a local. Established my bona fides. Paid my bills. Tipped the waiter so to speak. And I've certainly had to endure as other locals have and listen ad nauseum to the likes of Bob Ansett (he's been here a few years so is more of a local than most apparently) and co wanting Noosa to have its own council. And had to read ad nauseum about it in the Noosa News as well. Yep, definitely done the hard yards my friends. I'm a local. And proud of it.

But the bloody tourists are ruining everything. There's no carparks anywhere near Main Beach and I keep needing to drop off the wife and son before hoofing it to the National Park or the Woods to find one. The walk's quite nice I admit but you end up having to dodge and weave the whole way as inconsiderate ring-ins dawdle and stop without any notice. "Beep, beep. Local coming through".

It also takes 10-15min just to drive along Hastings St (about 400m tops) as every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks they have the right to double-park while they grab a latte from Aromas or 'touristy' pedestrians just jump out in front of traffic and expect you to wait. And that's not even mentioning the bloody ones who are obviously lost and drive at 10 km/hr while looking out for their accommodation or cafe. Jaysus Crys, get your refidex out before you enter the town limits will ya!

The temporary ring-ins have taken over Noosaville as well and we can't get our usual spot on the river for our weekly fish n chips and drinks. Damn bogans are everywhere taking all the good spots while they unload their jet skis and speed boats; stopping us locals, the classy ones, from utilising our god-given right to a picnic spot with a view of the sun going down over the water. Out of town heathens!

There's also no newspapers or milk/bread left for residents at the newsagent or convenience store because the tourists have bought them all before we even get a chance to even think about. You'd think a local could grab a paper and some milk around 9am from their local store. But no, the bloody interlopers have rampaged through it already and I have to miss out on all the brilliant and insightful reporting from our State daily, The Curious Snail. Shouldn't they be reading some southern rag anyway?

Yes indeed, I can't wait for these holiday weeks to end so that things can return to normal asap. Where local goods and local conveniences are for local people. We've been here long enough. We deserve them.

Can't the bloody tourists go to the Goldie or Bali or somewhere else instead?

EDM.

PS - I'm hoping the sarcasm of this piece is evident.