6:55am: Alarm rings and I jump up and do 20 pushups and 50 situps. Got to stay fit with an election in the wings.
7:10am: Breakfast of black coffee and a grapefruit. Mens Health swears it'll drop the kilos in no time. Been having a lot of long lunches of late.
7:43am: Drive to office. I know the Minister asked that we travel by public transport to set an example, but hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
7:53am: Coro Drive backed up to the Regatta. Maybe the train would have been better. At least Campbell got rid of the bus lanes long ago so maybe I can sneak down the side.
7:56am: Pulled up by cop for reckless driving. Say to him "do you know who I work for?". He breath tests me as well. 0.03. Bit scary. Got to stop taking home beers from the office fridge.
8:18am: Arrive in office and say hi to Minister. She asks why I'm late. Think it best to not tell her about the cop. Tell her I had a breakfast meeting with a lobbyist. She gives me a wink.
8:31am: Scan the day's newspapers and see that the Minister isn't mentioned once. She won't be happy. Will give her yesterday's Media Monitors brief and hope she doesn't notice.
8:48am: Decide I need another coffee. Grab ******* and head for the lift. He waits for the door to close before telling me he's secretly seeing the receptionist. I realise this is important information. He's in the running for preselection. Plenty of people who may be interested down the track.
9:32am: Get back from coffee and take a call from the Premier's Chief of Staff. Apparently next week's Cabinet meeting will be held in the Premier's electorate and they need some good 'announceables'. I tell him it would have been nice to be told earlier. He replies it was announced six weeks ago.
9:33am: Put note in my iPhone to check Government media releases more diligently.
9:48am: Call DG to see if he knows of any 'announceables'. He says the **** Bridge is due to be opened that day. Brillant. Premier will get to wear a hardhat.
10:34am: Meeting with the Resources Council at their place. Even the toilet bowls are gold-plated. Note to self to take *** out for a few beers sometime and see if there might be a job for me if we lose the election.
10:59am: Interrupt meeting by claiming I need to take a call from the Minister. Step outside and talk loudly into the phone. Head back in after 5 mins and nod profusely so it looks like I know what they're talking about.
11:28am: Meeting concludes with me saying I'll talk to the Minister and get back to them. Pretty much how I end every meeting. Stick around though to chat with **** and see when he's available for a beer.
11:41am: Walk through mall on the way back to the office. Where did all these kids come from? Must be school holidays or something. Come up with an idea to amend the loitering legislation. That'll teach them.
11:46am: See ***** on George St and we decide to grab a coffee. I let him pay as he still owes me for leaking the Caucus vote numbers to The Courier Mail.
12:28pm: Get back to office and wonder where everyone is. Check the Minister's schedule and see that she's due to do an ABC radio interview at 12:30pm. No-one wants to be around when that blows up.
12:37pm: Minister calls me into her office. She's fuming after the ABC questioned her on a Budget announcement. "Why wasn't I told?" she yells. I placate her by saying it was the Premier's decision to include it. Minister will be too scared to raise it with the Premier.
12:38pm: Decide I better take a look at the Budget announcement. Seems like a pretty good idea.
12:58pm: Meet ***** down at Riverside and order a steak. Tell him I have to be back at the office by 3pm at the latest. He gives me a wink and laughs loudly.
1:13pm: First beer goes down nicely. Wish it wasn't a Monday.
1:41pm: Second beer even better. Especially as ***** then promises me corporate box tickets for the Lions on Saturday.
2:09pm: Why not? I'll have a third beer. ***** shouting so it would be rude not to.
2:29pm: Maybe another beer before I head back to the office. Ring office to say I'm stuck in a meeting. Apparently Minister is chasing me for a brief on the grants scheme. No worries. I'll whip something up on my iPhone.
2:53pm: Struggling to remember how many beers I've had. ***** swears its only two. Asks me about the grants scheme and whether they've been decided. I tell him they have but I can't give me any details. He orders me another beer.
3:18pm: Realise I've emailed the grants scheme brief to ***** by mistake! Shit. He receives the email at the table before looking up and giving me a wink. What is with all this winking today?
4:01pm: Get back to office and look up Code of Conduct for Ministerial Staff. Doesn't look good. Will need to have a chat with ***** on Saturday at the Lions.
4:18pm: Call Minister's driver to see where he's at. He says he waiting for the Minister down at the Executive Building. Joint media conference with the Deputy Premier. Hope she's getting through it OK. Media have really been hammering her on the boat ramp scandal. Just glad I shredded everything weeks ago.
4:33pm: Minister arrives back to the office. Always amazes me why she needs the driver for trips down to the Executive Building. It's an eight minute walk away. Ask her how the media conference went. She says she wishes she'd never heard of that 'farking boat ramp'.
4:56pm: Take a call from **** at The Courier Mail. We talk about the good old days at Uni for ages. Hard to believe it was only three years ago. He finally asks for a quote on the Opposition's call for the Minister to be sacked. I tell him the Minister knew nothing and she has no case to answer. Get a feeling he's winking on the other end of the phone.
5:13pm: Walk into *******'s office to see him clearing his desk of papers. Hot date tonight or are those the boat ramp papers, I ask him. He winks back.
5:23pm: Premier's Chief of Staff calls to ask about the 'announceables'. I tell him about the bridge opening but he's not happy. Premier won't do any more hardhat photo ops after the Chaser boys took the piss out of her. Say I will look at some other options and get back to him.
5:25pm: Call DG and see whether he knows of any other 'announceables'. He says he's got nothing as everything went out in the Budget. Shit. Will have to really think about this.
5:29pm: Log off and ring for a cab. Will keep the car downstairs overnight. Don't want that bastard from the Treasurer's Office taking my park tomorrow.
5:43pm: Email Department GM and tell him Minister has directed that the Chamber of Commerce receive $400,000 in funding. He asks what for. Tell him its confidential at the moment but to start making the arrangements.
5:45pm: Ring ****** at the Chamber of Commerce and ask whether they had anything that might cost $400,000. She replies they were thinking of doing a State of the State report and that sort of money would come in handy. As long as its only good news, I tell her. Brilliant. I have my 'announceable'.
5:56pm: This bloody traffic. Someone should do something about it! Then remember we kyboshed the Budget submission for two extra lanes on Coro Drive to help pay for the Minister's election contingency fund.
6:03pm: Cabbie starts raving about the Government and calls the Premier a this and that. He then asks where I work. I tell him I work for a charity.
6:16pm: Get home and have missed the 6 o'clock news so jump on the net. No stories about the boat ramp scandal or the Minister so am relieved. Shouldn't be getting a call from the Minister after a few too many G & T's tonight.
6:49pm: Minister calls after her first G & T. Says we need a strategy to divert attention away from the boat ramp scandal, particularly as it's an election year. I explain I've been doing my best and have a few 'announceables' in the wind. Don't have the heart to tell her they're for the Premier.
7:06pm: Jump into shower and get changed for tonight's 7:30pm Branch meeting. Haven't read the agenda so hoping it won't be too full-on and we can just head to the pub early. Might drive down anyway in case.
7:21pm: Realise the car is at the office. Shite! Will have to call a cab.
7:32pm. Still waiting for the cab. Getting nervous as *****, the Branch Secretary is a real stickler for punctuality and is always putting me down as absent if I'm late.
7:41pm: Cab finally arrives and I jump in to find its the same cabbie as earlier. "Ahhh", he says, "what charity was it you said you work for?" I mumble something about for the protection of dodo birds and put in my earphones. It's got some truth to it.
7:45pm: Arrive at meeting and get obligatory 'eye raise' from the Secretary. She's still smarting over the fall of the Soviet Union so there's no making some people happy.
7:52pm: Quickly realise the main agenda item is to 'condemn the current Government for its rejection of workers' values and for its decision to sell some of the State's most important and iconic assets'. Shit! Why didn't anyone warn me?
8:09pm: All the oldies are jumping up and telling stories from the old days. If I hear "back in my day" one more time I'm going to spew. Lots of references to Bjelke someone and Gough someone. Do a search on my iPhone to see what the hell they're talking about.
8:13pm: Though as much. Couple of fossils from a bygone age.
8:19pm: **** walks over and whispers into my ear that we have to try and do something. It'll be all over the press tomorrow if one of the Government's own Party Branches is condemning it. I tell her I have an idea and give her a wink. I'll call in a bomb threat. She looks at me strange and walks away for some reason.
8:27pm: I get up and argue against the motion. Talk of how it will do damage to the Government and we can't be frustrating the hopes for re-election. I really put it on the line and actually start getting emotional. Had no idea I had that in me.
8:31pm: We break for refreshments and I head straight for ********'s cheesecake. Always makes these meetings bearable.
8:34pm: I pull the Branch President aside and tell him head office won't be pleased and that the faceless men will become very well-known to him if the motion gets up. He says he knows and that he tried to dismiss the motion when it was first moved but they were one vote short. Bloody late cabbie driver.
8:49pm: Debate resumes and I start texting a few of the heavies in the head office with an update. Replies come in thick and fast and I have to excuse myself to go outside. Grab some more cheesecake on the way.
8:54pm: Standing outside when a station wagon pulls up and eight people get out. They walk straight in and take a seat at the back. I recognise a few of them from Young Labor and they all give me a wink.
9:09pm: Time for the vote on the motion. Dismissed by six votes. Thank god.
9:28pm: Meeting wraps up after some boring stuff about booth assignments for election day. Fark that. I'll be at the Convention Centre in the tally room.
9:48pm: Finally at the pub with **** and ***. We strike a toast to the 'workers paradise' before *** asks me who Bjelke was. I tell him he was an old Premier that didn't have much of a need for Party Branches and their opinions. We all laugh and agree it would be great if that still was the case. Winks all round!
11:56pm: Stumble home and fall into bed before midnight. Pretty good for a Monday night.
* names have been hidden to protect the guilty
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