This one's not for the squeamish I'm afraid as it rates pretty highly on the 'gross out' spectrum. But a story that needs some telling as an example of the perils of Daddy Day Care. Oh, the perils.
Our saga begins at the local pool, where the son and I have been regular visitors over the last few weeks. Usual practice is that he is dressed in a normal nappy for the car trip there but we then change him into a swimmer nappy upon arrival before spending the next hour or so in the water together. Plenty of good times and the son's water abilities and confidence are growing immensely with each visit.
The thing is, the swimmer nappies are merely made for No. 1s rather than No. 2s. In fact, it's highly undesired for any sort of No. 2 action to take place while a swimmer nappy is on. (we're talking about the son here...not me of course)
So on this fateful day, the son and I are again enjoying our time in the water and he's jumping in and jumping out and chasing me and me chasing him. All of a sudden, he stands straight up and starts moving quickly toward the steps out of the pool. I'm watching from a few metres away thinking he'll come charging back down and try and chase me again.
Alas, the son fully steps out of the water and runs to a nearby pole and hides behind it. "Ahhh", I think, "it's a game of hide and seek". So I move around and make out that I can't find him with the obligatory dialogue "where is he...I can't see him, etc".
I then notice that the son is crouching on the ground with his head between his legs. Shizza. Big shizza. That's his pooing position. And then a loud grunt confirms it all for me. It's No. 2 time. And he's only wearing a swimmer nappy.
The dilemma is large. Do I try and get him to a toilet in the middle of it all? Or just get him into the change rooms and then wait for it to be all finished before changing? Given the time elapsed and no doubt a rather full nappy already, I decide it has to be the second option and pick him up carefully and carry him to the changerooms. It has to be a careful pickup. We want to minimise any seeping out the sides.
So we're now in the changerooms and the son is telling me 'more yuck' meaning he hasn't finished. He doesn't like being around anyone while he is doing it so he goes and finds a corner near a utility room. Again, leaning over with his head between his legs and the occasional grunt and groan.
I set forth and start getting ready for the 'poo-nami' that is coming and lay out a towel and get all the change equipment out and strategically placed. Other people are wandering in to get changed and no doubt questioning the smell in the room. I therefore try and hurry the son up so that it can all be over with but he's still saying "Dad, more yuck".
After about 10 minutes, he finally allows me to pick him up for the extraction process to begin. Boardshorts and rashie come off first to avoid cross-contamination and I can already see some interesting material trying to break out of the swimmer nappy. With a deep breath, I then attempt to slide it down and over the son's feet to get it off. And of course the inevitable happens. It all slides down his legs and feet with the swimmer nappy.
I'm sweating profusely at this moment under the corrugated iron roof and cursing the strawberries and kiwi fruit I fed the son a mere hour ago. We're not finished yet though so another delicate procedure of wrapping the now-redundant swimmer nappy up and trying to place into a garbage bag without any more leakage.
I manage to negotiate this procedure pretty well but can't come away fully unscathed. Yes, I quick look down to my hands is not good news. Thank god the wipes are well placed as I manage to get my hands 'clean' while still trying to make sure the son doesn't stand in or on the garbage bag with the other hand.
It's then a tale of Wipe City as about 18 are needed to fully clean the son and some of his clothing. I make a mental note to buy some shares in the company that make the wipes. They must make a fortune out of these types of scenarios.
In the end, I decided a shower is in order and place the son underneath the water. He's loving it and giggling at me as I try and place the flow of water in the appropriate places. He then comes out with the immortal words "Mine yuck on Dad" and giggles even crazier. Yeah, thanks son. Cheers for letting everyone else know.
When that's all done, the son seems to have lost the weight of the world off his shoulders. Or more precisely, off his bum. Because he's now a bit 'hyper' and running in and out of the changerooms while I try and get changed myself and locate a spot to offload the culprit garbage bag. Finally I'm sorted and pick up the bag with ends of my fingertips and head on out of the changerooms. 'It's over' I'm thinking. 'Let's be free of this place and never speak of it again'.
I scoop up the son and in one motion place the garbage bag in a nearby bin. "Quick son, let's get the hell out of here" I say and start walking quickly for the exit. The son loves the quick movement and obviously isn't affected in any way by the horror of the last 25 minutes and is laughing and giggling away.
Oh, to be a toddler again. No. 2's without impunity and a world full of giggles and laughs. The upcoming toilet training is going to be tough for sure. But after this, it'll definitely be worth it. Let's just hope there's no repeat before that time. There's only so many 'poo-namis' that I can handle.
EDM.
(you were warned!)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
2011 AFL Season Review
It's finished. It's gone for another year. What will a poor boy do?
Yes, the AFL footy season has come to an end and we're now in the twlight zone between it and the cricket. Where only motor sport and racing are on with neither being my cup of tea. But at least the A League has some potential for interest and entertainment over the coming months. Particularly as the cricket hasn't exactly set my world on fire of late either.
So the footy is no more for another year and it's time for EDM's 2011 AFL Season Review. As you'll recall, I posted a Season Preview back in March as well as a Mid Season Review in June. Both can be found here and here respectively. Will therefore be very interesting to see how my predictions from both panned out.
Premiers
Preview Prediction - Collingwood
Mid Season Prediction - Collingwood
Actual Result - Geelong
No shame whatsoever in getting this one wrong as I'd say the vast majority of football people would have had the Magpies as favourites for the flag right up until about Round 23-24. They were easily the best side in the competition for most of the year but hey, they don't hand out premierships until September (or October). So as the finals series approached, a few question marks did get posed and Geelong started to firm in the betting. Finally culminating in them being favourites on the day of the GF and even earning me some hard-earned by winning and Jimmy Bartel taking out the Norm Smith.
Grand Finalists / Runners Up
Preview Prediction - Hawthorn
Mid Season Prediction - Geelong
Actual Result - Collingwood
A few changes in this category over the course of the season but again, no shame on my part. The Hawks came incredibly close to beating Collingwood in their Prelim Final (great game by the way) and finished third overall accordingly. And of course my mid season tip of Geelong ended up being reversed with them taking out the title and the Magpies being eventual Runners Up.
Wooden Spooners
Preview Prediction - Gold Coast
Mid Season Prediction - Gold Coast
Actual Result - Gold Coast
Kudos to me for getting this one right. Although not too many as they were always favourites for the title being a first-year team full of young kids. Port Adelaide did try and challenge them and went into Round 24 on the bottom of the ladder. However, a win for them in their last game (v the Dees of all teams) got them out of the cellar and pushed the Suns down below. Credit to the Gold Coast though as I think they exceeded expectations and were a lot more competitive than most thought they would be. They certainly suffered some hammerings from time to time but had some extremely close games against good opposition such as Hawthorn, West Coast and St Kilda.
Team on the up
Preview Prediction - Melbourne
Mid Season Prediction - West Coast
Actual Result - West Coast
Well, my Preview Prediction was sadly off the mark. The Dees failed to meet expectations this year with some of the most frustrating displays I've ever seen. My take on the circumstances surrounding the record loss to Geelong and Bailey sacking can be viewed here, but as with every year in my life, I can only say 'there's always next year'. So definite title holders for Team on the up must be West Coast. From a wooden spoon in 2010, they made a Prelim Final in 2011 to finish 4th overall. Massive change of fortunes therefore which must have pleased their coach immensely after he was ridiculed at the start of the year for claiming that they would play finals footy.
Brownlow Medallist
Preview Prediction - Scott Pendlebury
Mid Season Prediction - Scott Pendlebury
Actual Result - Dane Swan
Not too bad a result here seeing I did get the fact a Collingwood player would win it. After last year when Swan was favourite but hardly came close, I assumed umpires weren't impressed by his style of play and therefore dismissed him accordingly. Pendlebury is a class act who never seems to lose the contested footy so I thought he would probably stand out more. Alas, it was Swan (32 votes) as the winner with Pendlebury (24 votes) coming fourth. I am consoled by the fact, however, that Swan was in my Supercoach team and helped it take out this year's premiership for me (how sweet that was).
Coleman Medal
Preview Prediction - Lance Franklin
Mid Season Prediction - Lance Franklin
Actual Result - Lance Franklin
Despite Jack Riewoldt and Travis Cloke occasionally producing a bag of goals to worry young Lance, it was always Mr Franklin and he won the Coleman with ease in the end. Nuff said.
Rising Star
Preview Prediction - David Swallow
Mid Season Prediction - Dyson Heppell or Jack Darling
Actual Result - Dyson Heppell
As I said in my Mid Season Review, Swallow was enjoying a good first year with the Suns but was not being brilliant and failed to even win a nomination. Heppell and Darling on the other hand impressed from the get-go with Heppell winning his nomination in Round 1 and Darling in Round 6. Darling ended up tiring later in the year to allow Heppell to take the title from others who announced themselves later in the season such as Luke Shuey, Daniel Menzel and Zac Smith. A very deserving winner in my books. And I'm not just saying that because he was in my Supercoach team as well.
Goal and Mark of the Year
Preview Prediction - Liam Jurrah
Mid Season Prediction - Liam Jurrah
Actual Result - Hayden Ballantyne and Andrew Krakouer
Thinking I won't do these categories next year as it's too hard to try and pinpoint the winner in both as some nobody you've never heard of before might get a game and do something brillant that no one can predict. Alas, Mr Jurrah did not enjoy a good year in 2011 and was sadly absent from consideration. Goal of the year ended up being won by Hayden Ballantyne (Fremantle) and Mark of the year by Andrew Krakouer (Collingwood). Neither are nobodies but it would have been incredible if anyone had picked them at the start of the year.
Biggest story
Preview Prediction - new substitution rule
Mid Season Prediction - new substitution rule
Actual Result - Scully defection to GWS
I reckon at the half-way mark of the season that I was on the money with this prediction. However, the issue of the new rule and its impacts quickly died down and the footy world just got on and excepted it. This may be a tad subjective, but I'm going with the Scully defection as the biggest story of the year because the speculation was relentless from early in the off-season right through to the final announcement just a few weeks ago. The press came up with a new angle on an almost weekly basis and we Dees fans in particular had to battle through all the rumour and innuendo with constant tugs at our heartstrings. In the end, I was quite relieved when the announcement came because it meant it was all over. I dare say it had quite an impact on the playing group as well with all the speculaton around money and loyalty and co so here's hoping they can work together next year with it all behind them.
First coach to be sacked
Preview Prediction - Brett Ratten
Mid Season Prediction - Rodney Eade / Ross Lyon / Neil Craig
Actual Result - Neil Craig
Yes, my Ratten call was way off the mark. Carlton had a stellar season and finished fifth after playing a good brand of footy and handing out a number of thrashings. My Mid Season Prediction(s) were therefore more realistic with all three being under immense pressure at the time. In the end, it was Adelaide who showed Neil Craig the door first although Eade and Lyon will not be coaching their respective teams next year either. The Dees own Dean Bailey came in a fast-finishing second place though being sacked the week after Craig. A very turbulent year for the coaches I must say with there even being constant speculation about the Premiers Coach (Malthouse) right up until the GF last weekend.
So there you have it my footy friends. Another year full of intrigue and controversy. And hey, that's why we love it.
Until the 2012 season and another go at it all,
EDM.
Yes, the AFL footy season has come to an end and we're now in the twlight zone between it and the cricket. Where only motor sport and racing are on with neither being my cup of tea. But at least the A League has some potential for interest and entertainment over the coming months. Particularly as the cricket hasn't exactly set my world on fire of late either.
So the footy is no more for another year and it's time for EDM's 2011 AFL Season Review. As you'll recall, I posted a Season Preview back in March as well as a Mid Season Review in June. Both can be found here and here respectively. Will therefore be very interesting to see how my predictions from both panned out.
Premiers
Preview Prediction - Collingwood
Mid Season Prediction - Collingwood
Actual Result - Geelong
No shame whatsoever in getting this one wrong as I'd say the vast majority of football people would have had the Magpies as favourites for the flag right up until about Round 23-24. They were easily the best side in the competition for most of the year but hey, they don't hand out premierships until September (or October). So as the finals series approached, a few question marks did get posed and Geelong started to firm in the betting. Finally culminating in them being favourites on the day of the GF and even earning me some hard-earned by winning and Jimmy Bartel taking out the Norm Smith.
Grand Finalists / Runners Up
Preview Prediction - Hawthorn
Mid Season Prediction - Geelong
Actual Result - Collingwood
A few changes in this category over the course of the season but again, no shame on my part. The Hawks came incredibly close to beating Collingwood in their Prelim Final (great game by the way) and finished third overall accordingly. And of course my mid season tip of Geelong ended up being reversed with them taking out the title and the Magpies being eventual Runners Up.
Wooden Spooners
Preview Prediction - Gold Coast
Mid Season Prediction - Gold Coast
Actual Result - Gold Coast
Kudos to me for getting this one right. Although not too many as they were always favourites for the title being a first-year team full of young kids. Port Adelaide did try and challenge them and went into Round 24 on the bottom of the ladder. However, a win for them in their last game (v the Dees of all teams) got them out of the cellar and pushed the Suns down below. Credit to the Gold Coast though as I think they exceeded expectations and were a lot more competitive than most thought they would be. They certainly suffered some hammerings from time to time but had some extremely close games against good opposition such as Hawthorn, West Coast and St Kilda.
Team on the up
Preview Prediction - Melbourne
Mid Season Prediction - West Coast
Actual Result - West Coast
Well, my Preview Prediction was sadly off the mark. The Dees failed to meet expectations this year with some of the most frustrating displays I've ever seen. My take on the circumstances surrounding the record loss to Geelong and Bailey sacking can be viewed here, but as with every year in my life, I can only say 'there's always next year'. So definite title holders for Team on the up must be West Coast. From a wooden spoon in 2010, they made a Prelim Final in 2011 to finish 4th overall. Massive change of fortunes therefore which must have pleased their coach immensely after he was ridiculed at the start of the year for claiming that they would play finals footy.
Brownlow Medallist
Preview Prediction - Scott Pendlebury
Mid Season Prediction - Scott Pendlebury
Actual Result - Dane Swan
Not too bad a result here seeing I did get the fact a Collingwood player would win it. After last year when Swan was favourite but hardly came close, I assumed umpires weren't impressed by his style of play and therefore dismissed him accordingly. Pendlebury is a class act who never seems to lose the contested footy so I thought he would probably stand out more. Alas, it was Swan (32 votes) as the winner with Pendlebury (24 votes) coming fourth. I am consoled by the fact, however, that Swan was in my Supercoach team and helped it take out this year's premiership for me (how sweet that was).
Coleman Medal
Preview Prediction - Lance Franklin
Mid Season Prediction - Lance Franklin
Actual Result - Lance Franklin
Despite Jack Riewoldt and Travis Cloke occasionally producing a bag of goals to worry young Lance, it was always Mr Franklin and he won the Coleman with ease in the end. Nuff said.
Rising Star
Preview Prediction - David Swallow
Mid Season Prediction - Dyson Heppell or Jack Darling
Actual Result - Dyson Heppell
As I said in my Mid Season Review, Swallow was enjoying a good first year with the Suns but was not being brilliant and failed to even win a nomination. Heppell and Darling on the other hand impressed from the get-go with Heppell winning his nomination in Round 1 and Darling in Round 6. Darling ended up tiring later in the year to allow Heppell to take the title from others who announced themselves later in the season such as Luke Shuey, Daniel Menzel and Zac Smith. A very deserving winner in my books. And I'm not just saying that because he was in my Supercoach team as well.
Goal and Mark of the Year
Preview Prediction - Liam Jurrah
Mid Season Prediction - Liam Jurrah
Actual Result - Hayden Ballantyne and Andrew Krakouer
Thinking I won't do these categories next year as it's too hard to try and pinpoint the winner in both as some nobody you've never heard of before might get a game and do something brillant that no one can predict. Alas, Mr Jurrah did not enjoy a good year in 2011 and was sadly absent from consideration. Goal of the year ended up being won by Hayden Ballantyne (Fremantle) and Mark of the year by Andrew Krakouer (Collingwood). Neither are nobodies but it would have been incredible if anyone had picked them at the start of the year.
Biggest story
Preview Prediction - new substitution rule
Mid Season Prediction - new substitution rule
Actual Result - Scully defection to GWS
I reckon at the half-way mark of the season that I was on the money with this prediction. However, the issue of the new rule and its impacts quickly died down and the footy world just got on and excepted it. This may be a tad subjective, but I'm going with the Scully defection as the biggest story of the year because the speculation was relentless from early in the off-season right through to the final announcement just a few weeks ago. The press came up with a new angle on an almost weekly basis and we Dees fans in particular had to battle through all the rumour and innuendo with constant tugs at our heartstrings. In the end, I was quite relieved when the announcement came because it meant it was all over. I dare say it had quite an impact on the playing group as well with all the speculaton around money and loyalty and co so here's hoping they can work together next year with it all behind them.
First coach to be sacked
Preview Prediction - Brett Ratten
Mid Season Prediction - Rodney Eade / Ross Lyon / Neil Craig
Actual Result - Neil Craig
Yes, my Ratten call was way off the mark. Carlton had a stellar season and finished fifth after playing a good brand of footy and handing out a number of thrashings. My Mid Season Prediction(s) were therefore more realistic with all three being under immense pressure at the time. In the end, it was Adelaide who showed Neil Craig the door first although Eade and Lyon will not be coaching their respective teams next year either. The Dees own Dean Bailey came in a fast-finishing second place though being sacked the week after Craig. A very turbulent year for the coaches I must say with there even being constant speculation about the Premiers Coach (Malthouse) right up until the GF last weekend.
So there you have it my footy friends. Another year full of intrigue and controversy. And hey, that's why we love it.
Until the 2012 season and another go at it all,
EDM.
Monday, October 3, 2011
A Focus Realignment
Just a quick post my friends to point something out that has only just come to me as I've had a ponder or two about my current circumstances and recent changes in my life.
Regular readers would be aware that most of my previous posts in a previous life, my working life I mean, had a political or social comment bent. This largely stemmed from my job and its daily requirements of having to be up-to-date and aware of all the news and current affairs of the day.
Consequently, I had cause to form an opinion or two and jot down some musings based on these for all of you to either agree or disagree. Not sure which as the comments have been rather light on for a while.
Anyways, you get the picture. This blog's been a vehicle for my opinions to be delivered and perhaps debated. A crucible you might say for the forming of points of view and the development of, what I hope anyway, are effective and efficient arguments.
las, the taking of long-term leave from my job has taken me out of the news-cycle environment and the constant, nagging consideration one must give it when working in the political sphere.
And you know what, I haven't missed it at all and am relishing in being away from it. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn about it right now and am starting to relate to what most of the Australian population must feel when it comes to politics - apathy, and lots of it. Its feel strange for someone like me but I'm just going with it for the moment.
Yes, its a major focus realignment for me as I change from being a burntout worker-bee to family man and primary care provider to our son. The in and outs of the political game just aren't doing it for me right now and I can already see this blog's content changing as a result. Since the taking up of leave, its been all about family stuff and the providing of a narrative on our sea/tree change. No opinions being espoused or arguments being rammed down your throats.
So what does it all mean? Not a hell of a lot really. Some of you probably appreciate the storytelling stuff a lot more so perhaps the change in focus will bring on some additional readers.
I do know some enjoyed my take on things in the past though which led to plenty of hearty and healthy discussions with some of you in various forums, the pub included. The world is a better place when that sharing of views can occur in a civilised way so that will be missed I must admit.
But I can't be all things to all people so you'll have to expect a continuation of the narrative style for the coming months and less of a talkfest on politics and social discourse. So what will the next post be on? All will be revealed in time so stay tuned.
EDM.
Regular readers would be aware that most of my previous posts in a previous life, my working life I mean, had a political or social comment bent. This largely stemmed from my job and its daily requirements of having to be up-to-date and aware of all the news and current affairs of the day.
Consequently, I had cause to form an opinion or two and jot down some musings based on these for all of you to either agree or disagree. Not sure which as the comments have been rather light on for a while.
Anyways, you get the picture. This blog's been a vehicle for my opinions to be delivered and perhaps debated. A crucible you might say for the forming of points of view and the development of, what I hope anyway, are effective and efficient arguments.
las, the taking of long-term leave from my job has taken me out of the news-cycle environment and the constant, nagging consideration one must give it when working in the political sphere.
And you know what, I haven't missed it at all and am relishing in being away from it. Quite frankly, I don't give a damn about it right now and am starting to relate to what most of the Australian population must feel when it comes to politics - apathy, and lots of it. Its feel strange for someone like me but I'm just going with it for the moment.
Yes, its a major focus realignment for me as I change from being a burntout worker-bee to family man and primary care provider to our son. The in and outs of the political game just aren't doing it for me right now and I can already see this blog's content changing as a result. Since the taking up of leave, its been all about family stuff and the providing of a narrative on our sea/tree change. No opinions being espoused or arguments being rammed down your throats.
So what does it all mean? Not a hell of a lot really. Some of you probably appreciate the storytelling stuff a lot more so perhaps the change in focus will bring on some additional readers.
I do know some enjoyed my take on things in the past though which led to plenty of hearty and healthy discussions with some of you in various forums, the pub included. The world is a better place when that sharing of views can occur in a civilised way so that will be missed I must admit.
But I can't be all things to all people so you'll have to expect a continuation of the narrative style for the coming months and less of a talkfest on politics and social discourse. So what will the next post be on? All will be revealed in time so stay tuned.
EDM.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)