Front Vs Back

We’ve had the politics of shoe throwing and the Iraq War. We’ve had bank financing and the setting of interest rates. We’ve had the issue of a republic and an Australian head of state. And now for another one – front pocket wallet holders versus back pocket wallet holders.

Yes, all the big issues here at Nah Seriously. This one has come about following one of my more boring train trips into work on Friday where I did a quick census of how many men choose to store their wallets in their front pocket and how many their back pockets.

And to answer your question, yes, it did involve the studying of certain areas which I’ll call the front lap and the back lap of some of the men around me. A process which could have easily resulted in either a punch in the nose or an offer to have a drink sometime.

But this was in the name of sociology you see. A study of the nature of man and the particular peculiarities he brings to the storage of his ‘assets’. The monetary ones I mean. And the end result? 6-3 to the front pocketeers.

I must admit to some bias though as I’m a front pocketeer myself. Always have been. Always will I reckon. For I consider the ability to sit down wherever and whenever I choose a highly valued attribute. I’m standing up, but then decide that I want to sit down. Bang, I’m sat down.

So what happens to the back pocketeer in the same circumstance? Either he must stop and take out his wallet and hold it the entire time he sits. Or he just sits and suffers the pain and indignity of having a sharp 50c piece protruding threw his pants and getting a little too close to his most precious of orifices ( Wow, never thought I’d see that phrase in print).

Yeah, I don’t get back pocketeers. Why go through all that inconvenience and uncomfortableness? Why put your back out as your body struggles to realign itself and walk correctly in a straight line?

Maybe I’m just jealous though. All that flagrant disregard for society’s norms in saying “stuff you world, I don’t mind that my bum looks bigger in this. I don’t care for a world that is so decadent and self-indulgent that one can sit down without a second thought. It reeks of hedonism. Of entitlement. Of privilege.”

Yes, that must be what the back pocketeer is saying. His wallet position is a two fingered salute to an unkind society. A real 'fark you' to the establishment and all it values.

On retrospect, maybe we need more back pocketeers in this conformist and consensus-driven world. Maybe I need to defect and take on the back pocket as my own. In the name of social anarchy and disorder and all that.

Just not with any 50c pieces though. I’m not that bloody rebellious.

EDM.