The great wise one, Wikipedia, tells me a beard is the collection of hair that grows on the chin, upper lip, cheeks and neck of human beings. Funny, I could have sworn I’ve seen beards on non-human beings. Some monkeys and gorillas have kick-ass ones. Goats though? They just have goaties. Boom tish.
Yes, today’s post is all about the big issues. The humble beard is back apparently. Not sure where it’s been but its back and even yours truly is sporting one. My particular story is that I thoroughly enjoyed not having to shave every day when on long service leave up the coast so it grew on me, quite literally, and I’ve still got it a number of months after our return.
So I read with even greater interest on Wikipedia that over the course of history, men with facial hair have been ascribed with various attributes such as wisdom, sexual virility, masculinity and higher status. Yeah, that sounds about right I reckon. For me anyway. I just won’t mention the next sentence – "beards have also been perceived to be associated with a lack of general cleanliness and a loss of refinement".
Wikipedia continues with a rather scientific take on the evolution of the beard. Apparently even Charles Darwin, awesome beard man himself, said there’s a evolutionary aspect to the beard in that sexual selection many have led to beards as “females in the past found them more attractive than mates without beards”. Wow. It’s confirmed then. Chicks dig beards. Darwin says so.
Myself? I'm not really sporting my beard for any evolutionary purpose. I’m just finding it a lot easier having a beard than doing the daily routine in the mirror and scraping the hell out of my face every morning. I’m down to a twice-weekly trim with my beard trimmer (every man should have one) and sometimes even forget to do that.
No bother. The difference of going a few more days without trimming/shaving is nothing really so I’ve sometimes gone a whole week before pulling the trimmer out again. And my beard's not even that massive. I won't be joining ZZ Top that's for sure. So imagine how long those guys can go without a trim. Could be measured in years I reckon.
I must admit there are a few times when the beard is little inconvenient mind you. I have sported the occasional frothy moustache from time to time after the first sip of my morning flat white and subjected myself to some odd looks as I walk down the street. Brushing my teeth also leaves me with a rather white chin that makes me recoil in horror for a split second thinking I’ve gone grey in a few short moments. The horror.
Overall though, I’m liking it and even the wife is liking it. Must be that masculinity and virility thing. And I think the son wouldn’t even recognise me without a beard now. “Mum, whose the new Daddy?” and all that. My mother-in-law is a different story though. I used to get a little chastised for a mere three-day growth so I can only imagine what she’s been thinking for the last ten months. But she’s been pretty polite about it so far and hasn’t written me out of the will just yet. Not that I’m aware of anyway.
The future? I don’t know to be honest. I certainly won’t be sporting my beard for ever and a day so it will come off at some stage. When that moment is I don’t know. Although the Eyeline swim every year at the Noosa Tri might be a catalyst for change. I could lose valuable seconds if I’m not appropriately streamlined.
But it might even come off before in. Who knows. I’ll probably wake up with an inclination to shave and the beard will be gone before I even realise. The son asking about the new daddy might be the first clue as to what I’ve done. The winter months certainly lend themselves to the beard though so it won't be any time soon.
Anyway, I’ll close this very profound and insightful blog post with the greatest band in the world right now, The Beards, whose songs include “If Your Dad Doesn’t Have A Beard, You’ve Got Two Mums” and “You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man”. If nothing else, it’ll bring a smile to your dial. Or maybe even a hair or two to your chin.
Yours in pondering looks while stroking mine (my chin that is),
EDM.
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