Tuesday, March 27, 2012

First Day Back Blues

Same old desk. At same old cubicle. On same old floor. In same old building. Does it sound like I’m glad to be back at work? Really? Its that obvious?

Yes, EDM is a workin’ man once more. The joys of daddy day care & a chilled and relaxed life on the Sunny Coast have come to an end. I have but mere memories now. To go along with my security, coffee & go cards. I’m a slave to them now.
They say the anticipation is sometimes worse than the event. Well actually, I said that. So Sunday was largely spent in denial with the odd feeling of dread creeping in. I tried not to think about it too much but things like ironing an shirt, trying to find black socks in a drawer and fishing my shoes from the bottom of a box bought it all back. Alas, I ventured to bed on Sunday night feeling at peace with it all and resigned to my predicament.

Monday morning was much the same except for the fact it was very real and the illusion of it being far away was gone. I ate my breakfast with a nervous kind of feeling imagining what awaited me given the upcoming election and what that might mean in terms of workload and busyness. It was not likely to be a normal caretaker mode based on discussions I’d had with my boss the week before. My clothes were all waiting for me after my shower but I had to have a chuckle when the son stopped and pointed at me while I put shoes/socks on and said “What’s they?” Understandable really given I’d spent the six months before in thongs.

I was blissfully ignorant of my situation while sitting on the train though and surfed the net on my phone. It wasn’t until I got off the train at Central that it really hit me. And wow, didn’t it hit me. Watching all the worker drones filing out in front of me and then filtering into the many tunnels beneath bought it all back and I had to force myself to take the steps towards them and join the long lines waiting to ‘touch off’. I quickly became part of the masses working their way through Anzac Square and all the memories of doing this day-in day-out for years came flooding back.

I eventually made my way towards my building up on George Street and remembered I needed some cash from an ATM. Then a coffee. Then a water bottle for my desk. Yes, I was procrastinating big time and doing my best to delay that first walk back inside and to the office. I eventually ran out of options though and there was nothing left but to take a deep breath and face the inevitable. I ran across the street as rain started to fall and before I knew it was crossing the threshold and holding up my photo card to tell security I belonged. Although, ‘belonged’ was the last thing I was actually feeling.

I then entered the lift and had a complete blank. “What floor do I go to again?” Quite amazing what six months can do. Forgotten where work even is. It came back to me just in time though as someone else strolled in. They assumed I was holding the lift for them rather than not having a clue which button to press so a small win there.

The lift opened a few moments later and I was outside the security door of my floor. “Ah yes, I need to swipe my security card don’t I. I didn’t need anything like this to access the beach, the national park...”. I swiped quickly and found myself walking the corridor toward my desk. No-one seemed to be around at the time so I managed to slink past a few offices and avoid the inevitable questions and mindless chitchat, before coming to my bosses. A tap on the door and a quick turnaround then revealed a big smile. “Thank god you’re back” my boss said.

Yes, I was back. Back to the same old desk. Back to the same old cubicle....

I’m in my second week back now and I’m starting to get back into the swing of things. I was fairly flat all last week and missed the son like crazy but glad that first week is done. It was always going to be tough. Alas, the election result has created quite a bit of excitement around the place, some good and some bad, and my brain is getting back into the mindset that is needed.

What the coming weeks hold is not known but one thing I do know is that there’s no way of stopping the staring out the window and dreaming of what I was doing a mere few weeks ago. Surfing. Playing. Enjoying.

Nah, not missing it at all. Can’t you tell?

EDM.

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